in....love

was in love. am in love. will be in love. [...........................................]
i made up my mind to make the 1st move.. but how?? i nv try tt b4. n it is scary to think tt he'll reject mi. imagine tt. den i'll be at hm bangin my head against e wall. [..............................................] ugh. guys. tell mi. am i degradin myself to make the 1st move, ask for his tel no. or wad to him?? 'm in a difficult situation now. A likes mi, but i dun like A. the person i like is B, but B is A's best fren. den now i dunno whether B likes mi a not. so 'm plannin to confess, or rather, make the 1st move. den imagine A knows tt the person i like is his best fren, den they become enemies... wow. SHIT MAN. wad am i going to do?!?!!?

but-if-i-let-u-go-

23rd of june 2005.
finally. we went out wit the sIstAs!!! almost everyone squeeze in the time to hang out together. tt day was soooo fun! den when we meet each other, all of the 6 of us are wearing PINK! we didnt discuss which colour to wear tt day. i swear. all these r fated to be man. imagine all of us, the PINK ladies, walking down the orchard rd. cool! we had so much laughter, doing crazy stuff with em n all.. it had been so long since i laugh lidat. n talking loudly. n doing crazzy moves. so long. i tut i had lost myself ever since i enter tis sch.. i cld onli be myself when i'm wit em. onli wit em. we were having so much fun. took pictures.. den eat dinner.. chattin n exchangin news bout our sch life. it's like releasin stress. woo~! i want to hang out wit em summore!!!!

24th of june
somehow..... i got this sick feelin tt he's not meant to be mine.. or shld i sae.. he wont like mi? i hate myself for being so shy. y cant i jus went over n talk to him n at least be a fren of his? aniwae. feelin so heartbroken now. there's no fate btw us.

Westlife- If i Let You Go
Day after day, time pass away And I just can't get you off my mind Nobody knows, I hide it inside I keep on searching, but I can't find The courage to show, to letting you know I've never felt so much love before And once again, I'm thinking about Taking the easy way out

But if I let you go, I will never know What my life would be, holding you close to me Will I ever see, you smiling back at me Oh yeah How will I know If I let you go

Night after night, I hear myself say Why can't this feeling just fade away There's no-one like you, you speak to my heart It's such a shame, we're worlds apart I'm too shy to ask, I'm too proud to loose But sooner or later, I gotta choose And once again, I'm thinking about Taking the easy way out

weeee~!!!!! i got selected for sp's pool n snooker's club!!!! woo~! so delighted. but stress sia. most of the ppl there like pro lidat.. den 'm the onli 1 who dunno how to play. so pai se!! still.... it's quite costly to join this cca. cue.. $100+. plus i hav to spend money to practise the skill. hmm. but aniwae. i like it. so y not go for it??

i miss sec sch life.. altho i dun like some teachers. but somehow the life there seems more... carefree? er.. fun? or.. "cope-able"? den my b'dae is comin.. i dunno how to celebrate it.. i wish i'm in another class.. they celebrated their mates b'dae wit em.. but our class? i dunno. in my heart i felt tt it's impossible.

bin-go~!! so he got no gf (or wad-so-ever) at all. yes. 'm happie. so now... 'm struggling to stay cheerful.. struggling to ignore the facts tt i cant get along wit the classmates.. struggling to prevent myself frm envyin others ( or other classes )..... struggling to keep up the sch works.. struggling to handle my time properly. it's jus so bad. everything turn out to be upside down. but nvm. i will not giv up. no way.

j.u.s.t r.e.c.o.v.e.r f.r.m lo.v.e.si.c.k

yes. 'm free again. to tell u the truth, i didnt expect myself to be unaffected by the pix. yeps. actually, i was quite disturbed by it at 1st.. but i knew tt i had to go on. (although no one can yet proof to mi tt the gal is not his gf) n even if he realli had 1, nvm! i still can go on without him. but of cos, if he hadnt got one, i'll still be hopeful la. hehe.

i didnt brood over it. it surprised mi. this had proof tt i'd become mature, at least, more mature than b4. i expect myself to be weepin wit my pillows after the second i saw the pix (one thing i do most of the times when i get heartbroken..). but well, i did not. I DID NOT AT ALL. i was so proud of myself. yyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeesssssssshhhhhhh!!!!

the pit is not so deep after all.. n i managed to climb out of it myself. i c the sunlight.. n it pour over mi the instant i got out of the pit. arent u happy?? i asked myself. arent u proud??

uh. realize tt i like him more than i tut so. i tut it was jus a normal crush.. but den my feelings for him grow stronger day by day.. AAAAHHH!!!!!! how?!?! i hate this man. i hate fallin in love. i knew tt in the end it's always mi who gets hurt. yet i cant prevent it frm happenin. well. jus sort of hope tt i can forget him soon. realli. i dun wanna get hurt. again. but. the worst thing is, i got to c him almost everyday. wad the hell.

the darkness is overwhelming.. the pit is so deep. the light is beyond my reach.. the soul is so dead beat. i wan it to end.. quickly.. but nv to expect tt the feelings r so intense.. pls. let it go.

hmm. days r getting better.. or shld i sae.. the burden is getting lighter? yest i had so much fun in my jap class... the teacher so cute. den made some new frenz. so.. today.. not bad lo. got to found out that actually there's this joker in my class.. finally there's one person to bring up the atmosphere. he's so funni man.

cute cute? ok la. ya my new target. hohohohoho! dun think he'll like mi la. but aniwae. same old rules. if he dun like mi quickly change target again! haha. seriously, he's realli cute. plus cool. haiz. nvm. if he dun like mi i go find another cuter one. hoho.

1stly. i'd like to thanks all the ppl there who consoled mi-- yi ting.. michelle.. n.. curry? yep. a great hug to all of u. i'll try to survive. den. i'm outta love. it's a mistake. BIG mistake. so ppl. dun judge a book by its cover. so wad if he's gd looking?

aniwae. been trying to hang on there for these few days. i even mix wit e other class. overall, my class is the most boring one. the most most most boring one of all eight classes. of the whole course. the other classes r so united. so fun. ours? like shit. the "ite grp" just tok among emself, while the others hang in small grps. like us. i bet we're not the onli 1 who dislike this class. god. i cant wait for this 1st yr to pass.

sometimes, it can be gd thing to c urself fallin down, n realise tt actually.... u hav no true frenz at all to giv u a hand... n'tt when u needed em at the extreme period... u found out tt none of em will be there to help u.... at all.